Burning Questions
Some quick questions many singles and married couples ask!
They ask, Should I –
- LET MY SPOUSE KNOW HOW MUCH I EARN?
- LET MY SPOUSE KNOW ABOUT MY BUSINESS DEALINGS?
- LET MY SPOUSE KNOW ABOUT MY INVESTMENTS?
- DISCUSS MY PAST RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY SPOUSE?
- REVEAL MY ATM PIN TO MY SPOUSE?
- GIVE MY SPOUSE ACCESS TO MY CHEQUEBOOKS AND ACCOUNTS?
Finally…Know This, Know Peace!
These and many other similar questions have elicited controversial responses from numerous quarters over the years. The issue of how much is convenient to divulge to a spouse has been a contentious issue. In 2021, I made a video purposely to speak to this issue, and I have decided to write about it in this article.
Transparency and Openness
I describe Transparency and Openness in the context of Relationships as “the process of both parties in a relationship (primarily the engaged and married) divulging to each other the secrets and private matters of their personal lives. Let me say that it is God’s desire for you to disclose these personal matters to your spouse and vice versa.
Gains of Transparency in Marriage Relationships
- It engenders trust between both spouses –
When you willingly share personal issues, such as details of your past relationships (who, where, when), with your spouse, such an act has a way of building trust for you in the heart of your spouse. - It fosters unity among the couple –
When your spouse shares the details of assets and resources owned by them, it fosters unity among the couple because you know and understands that what you own belongs to your spouse and what your spouse owns belongs to you. -
Your immediate family is protected and catered for in case of any adverse events –
Maintaining a high level of transparency and openness about your business dealings, assets, and investments with your spouse will help your immediate family conveniently take possession of all you have left behind, and not be cheated by extended family and, in some cases, total strangers. Several families have been cheated of their inheritance simply because their father/husband (or mother/wife) wasn’t transparent about their business dealings.
What Areas Should You Show Transparency and Openness to Your Spouse?
Some areas in which you should maintain transparency with your spouse, whether engaged or married, include but are not limited to, the following:
- Your past and present relationships/acquaintances
- Your financial status – salary, investments, assets
- Your business dealings (and partners, where necessary)
- Your dealings with extended family/in-laws
Some Final Thoughts on Transparency and Openness
I believe it would be wise for me to drop some thoughts on the topic, to balance the argument effectively.
Couples must reciprocate transparency with love and responsibility. I recall attending a marriage enhancement program. During a discussion session, a man lamented that his wife regularly took advantage of having access to his ATM card and PIN by withdrawing money from his account without seeking prior approval. This act is an outright abuse of transparency on the wife’s part.
It’s wrong for you to make unnecessary demands on your spouse simply because they disclose the details of their regular earnings to you. Women are more guilty of this behavior, which should be discouraged at all costs to encourage the other spouse to maintain transparency. It’s wrong for you to blackmail your spouse with details of their past negative relationships and incidents since they were transparent with you by disclosing those details in the first place.
It would be evident to you if your spouse would be open to you in their dealings or otherwise from your courtship period; thus, it’s pertinent that you watch out for the tell-tale signs during that period.
Active Steps to Foster Transparency and Openness
Here, I will share some significant steps you need to take to show transparency using my examples.
You should make your wife (or husband) next-of-kin, not your brother or mother. I did this soon after my wedding about 12 years ago.
You should make your spouse a co-signatory of your bank accounts, personal and corporate (that is, if you are the company owner). I have done this every time I established a new firm and opened new accounts. To date, my wife has proved faithful in reciprocating my transparency with responsibility. My wife has never withdrawn any money from those accounts except on the very few occasions I asked her to do so, even though the account mandate is “Either – to Sign,” and she has access to the chequebooks.
You should regularly update your spouse about your activities with your business partners and clients. My wife knows the names of my clients, past and present, and the necessary details of my transactions for transparency’s sake and the future.
You should carry your spouse along in the decision-making process in your home. This act automatically makes sense of inclusiveness and trust in your spouse.
I have made it a duty to always ask my wife’s opinion about issues before making decisions, even though I may have strong views about the subject.
When your extended family comes around with their problems or demands, you should ensure that your spouse is part of the discussion and not ostracize them. My wife and I usually discuss our extended family matters before informing them of our unanimous decision(s).
I hope you implement the points made in this post and experience a peaceful and fulfilling marriage.